Mistrusting My Nature
Time is relative. Although humanity measures it at a consistent rate; seconds, minutes, hours, days, years - moments have the tendency to slow down or speed up drastically. Some moments go too quickly - celebrations, the summertime, a great meal with friends. For the most part, my life speeds by at a thousand miles per hour - except for when my anxiety disorder strikes. Sometimes during panic attacks, I slow down to a crawl with a fascinating symptom called derealization.
Derealization, according to WebMD, is a “mental state where you appear detached from your surroundings.” Objects may seem too real, or not real at all, around you. You feel as if you are swimming through a fog, but yet, at the same time, everything appears to be hyper focused. You may find yourself staring at the same area of blank wall for what feels like forever, but when you snap back into reality, only a few seconds have passed. The mind is protecting itself, I’ve been told, by counting pebbles of rock, registering grains of sand. The feeling passes eventually, textures go back to normal again, and the world speeds back up.